"a wish filled with hope"

After a series of interesting, complex books, I finally went back to the roots, so to speak, and just finished a book that was simple, yet not simplistic. A book that reminded me of the tremendous baggage we carry and the ego that prevents us from shedding it. Some really nice words that I wanted to record...

"I often think of that night when he told me he loved me for the first time. What if he hadn't seen in me what even I didn't know was there? How did he know that I could love him back when I didnt give him a single sign? How fragile love is. How delicate and small in its first buds, when it's just an idea, a wish filled with hope. It is so easy to turn away from it entirely and choose to live alone in your own private fear. I had one moment of courage, and it changed my life. I didn't turn to love out of loneliness. Or out of habit. I let love change me. "

"When we got married, I thought happiness would come naturally. I thought that passion would rule us, that love would overcome any problems we had, that love itself was communication. But it's not. I haven't worked on this. And I am afraid to tell him I dont know how. I am not the woman he thought I was. I know myself well. I've always been able to take care of people and call it work. But the real work is being honest. I was remote. Private. Unwilling to share."

"I realise now that I have not chosen this. Jack chose me; and never once, in all these years, have I chosen him. Of course, I said yes when he wanted to marry me. I loved him, no question. And his babies came through me and into the word. But never once did I choose him. Not really.

My heart is breaking. This good and decent man has been dragged through my crazy life like a wagon. I thought I knew my issues. I thought it was my childhood, with the strange secrets hidden under the surface. But just because I figured it out did not mean I fixed it. I am shocked that I know better yet routinely fall back into old patterns. I shut off. I shut down. I don't feel. And I hold myself over everyone else as if I am better. I wasn't weak! I was strong, so strong nothing could penetrate me. What a glorious prize you get for not needing people. You get to be safe and alone, even in your marriage!"